The father has come a long way indeed

I was at the birthday party of a 9-year-old.  The child's father drew warm-hearted appreciation from all the guests not just for his wonderful hospitality but for his care and concern for the child which was evident in everything he did.  This led us to talk about modern fathers and compare them with fathers of the earlier ages.

"My father was a terror", said Kumari, looking back on her childhood four decades ago.  "He never beat me, but kept me at a distance.  We, children, spoke in hushed voices when he was at home.  And when he turned on the radio for the news from Delhi with a stern look in our direction, there was absolute silence."

Kumari's description of her father more or less fitted the traditional stereotype.  Traditionally, fathers were always strict, often grumpy, and occasionally cynical, and they hardly ever approved of what their children said or did.  Even when they were at home, they were too busy to attend to mundane matters; the "spot repairs" were always the concern of the mother.  However, when the occasion arose, the father did appear on the scene, and gave the required advice in a firm tone of voice.  When angry, he either gave a good wigging or resorted to spanking.  Was he unloving or lacking in affection?  Not at all.  It's just that he conducted himself with reserve and restraint and didn't want to be blatant about his deep feelings.  To put it in other words, he had the manly self-control of the Victorian.  Little Swami's father, in RK Narayan's novel, Swami and Friends, perfectly represents the real-life fathers of those days.

The modern-day father seems to be the opposite of the traditional stereotype.  He is informal, friendly and excitable.  Unlike his Byronic counterpart of the earlier ages, he is not ashamed of his feelings and is even "indecently" blatant about it.  He doesn't mind running errands at home, and does lend a helping hand to his wife in the kitchen.  More importantly, he treats his sons and daughters more as friends than as children.

What should the word 'fatherly' mean in the modern context?  A part of the dictionary definition holds good even now: "an attitude (or action) that shows feelings typical of a warm, kind and protective father".  But the problem with this definition is that it also includes "a patronizing attitude".  The term will have to be redefined in keeping with the sea change that has taken place in fathers.

But Indian movies still present only the old stereotype.  When they have reversed the traditional stereotype concerning different aspects of the home and the world, I don't know why they persist in projecting the anachronistic image of the grumpy father.  That's the image I have come across in some of the Tamil and Telugu movies I have seen recently.  In one of them, a young man grumbles, "If I have one enemy in this world, it's my father."  But I guess it has to be that way only, given the fact that parental opposition is central to a love tangle, a theme common to most Indian movies.