In the throes of an all-consuming feeling

Rekha is completely starry-eyed about her boy-friend.  She meets him almost every day and talks to him on the telephone, too.  She has gone out with him a few times and given him expensive gifts, to get the money for which she had to cheat her parents.  On a few occasions, she has been noticed in the company of her boy-friend and warned, but that hasn't deterred her.  Her mind seems to be entirely taken over, to the exclusion of most other interests, by thoughts about one person -- her boy-friend.  This may now be a common enough experience in adolescence, thanks to the demystification of sex as a topic.  But there is something uncommon about the "crush" Rekha has for her boy-friend: she is only 16 years old, and he is twice as old.  There is something bizarre, too: the boy-friend is already married.

I have known Rekha for six years now.  She lives not far from my house, and I know all the members of her family.  One day, it so happened that I found myself talking to Rekha about her new relationship.  Now, I am not a counsellor; neither have I handled such situations before.  I only wanted to help.  And I was saying to myself that if I couldn't do it, I shouldn't mess it up at least.

But I found the girl as bold as brass – and very articulate.  From her digressive accounts, this is what I pieced together.  She likes the man because he talks to her "nicely", treats her "kindly" and compliments her often.  Shouldn't she have some concern for her parents' feelings?  "What's wrong with what I'm doing?  They should be a little more understanding."   What about her responsibilities as a student?  "I'll do justice to my studies."  I pointed out that it was not true: she was not doing justice to her studies.  "I know I am not", she said, "but I'll make up for it." 

I hope she does.  I hope she gets out of this all-consuming feeling which is running high now, and makes a safe landing.  I'm sure she will realize her foolishness (which is what infatuation really means, for the word infatuation comes from 'fatuous', which means 'foolish'), and the realization will help her guard against it in future.  I only hope it happens before it becomes late.

Considering that the occurrence of this "universal migraine", as the poet Robert Graves called it, has become rather frequent now, every school and college would do well to have a full-time counsellor to help students get over it.  And girls would do well to remember Rolf's words of caution to Liesel in The Sound of Music:

You are sixteen, going on seventeen,

Fellows will fall in line,

Eager young lads and rogues and cats

Will offer you food and wine.